martes, 26 de junio de 2007

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Cuando Maldonado se emborracha hay dos opciones. La primera, es que se ponga a tirar los vasos a las paredes, gritando garabatos contra la Magdalena, la mina que lo había dejado para irse a estudiar a Italia. En ese escenario, a Martínez y a mí nos corresponde afirmarlo y llevarlo a la casa, procurando que no se haga mierda las manos golpeando el asfalto de la calle o que golpee al primer tipo que se le cruce. La otra opción, un poco menos arrebatada, es que se ponga a recordar su infancia. Por suerte, y lo digo sobre todo pensando en el mobiliario del “Don Tinto” y en mi integridad física, esa ocasión prefirió hablarnos de sus años de niño.

- Todavía recuerdo esa vez que le robamos los palos al cura...

Martínez me miró aliviado, luego siguió incentivando a Maldonado en su relato.

- ¿De qué palos estás hablando Maldonado?

- De los palos que tenía el cura en el patio trasero de la capilla po jetón!!! Los tenía guardados para las reparaciones de la iglesia. Si, todavía me acuerdo. Eran grandes las cuestiones esas. Tenían el porte justo pa construir los arcos que tanto queríamos.

- Ah!!! Los arcos, claro como olvidarlo...

Había que mantener a Maldonado metido en su historia. Un vaso roto más y nos echaban cagando del bar. Había mucha sed esa noche, además de pocas ganas de irse temprano a la casa.

- Si po, esa vez fuimos tres a robárselos. Estaba el “cacha mal hecha”... le decíamos así porque puta que era feo el huevón,...y quien más estaba... aaahhh!!! claro, la Carmen, claro, la Carmencha era la única mina que jugaba a la pelota en todo el barrio huevón. Era buena la tonta, jugaba al arco y se tiraba las medias voladas loco, en serio.

Un pequeño erupto que logró desfigurar el rostro de Maldonado produjo la pausa en el relato, después de reconstruir su expresión siguió hablándonos.

- Ese día fue glorioso huevón. Teníamos una cancha de tierra pa jugar a la pelota, pero le faltaban los arcos huevón!!! Cómo cresta ibamos a jugar bien a la pelota si no habían arcos!!! Por eso decidimos pelárselos al cura. Y ahora que acuerdo, era Domingo, así que más gloriosa fue la cuestión. Aprovechando que estaban todos en misa, nos pasamos al patio trasero de la capilla, pescamos los palos y los pasamos sobre la reja de alambres. La mala cuea fue que el “cacha mal hecha” pasó a llevar unas planchas de zinc, la hueá es que el ruido que hicieron hizo que todos salieran de la misa huevón...

Con Martínez nos mirábamos, rogando que no se le cruzara la Magdalena por la cabeza. Por suerte esa noche andaba cargado a la nostalgia sana el Maldonado.

- Flaco, hubieras visto la cara del cura cuando cachó que estábamos arrancándonos con los palos. “Dejen esas cosas ahí!!!! Detengan a esos Almas negras!!!!”

La risa por fin se adueñó del rostro de Maldonado. Podíamos estar seguros de que no habrían vasos rotos esa noche.

- Almas negras huevón, así nos dijo el cura...que ridículo...por una travesura no más...y pensar que la iglesia estaba llena de huevones que se cagaban a sus esposas, de tipas dispuesta a vender a su madre por subir de puesto en sus trabajos, de otros huevones que le pegaban a sus hijos, de mierdas que trataban como basura a sus empleados, pasando por encima de sentimientos y dignidad huevón ... y nosotros queríamos jugar a la pelota no más, con arcos decentes eso si...y ese huevón nos dice almas negras, que pelotudo!!!

Hacía tiempo que no le escuchaba algo coherente a Maldonado. A pesar de que estuviera ebrio, hiló ideas bastante interesantes.

- La cueita de los huevones. Después de la misa se confesaban, un padre nuestro, y de vuelta a cagarla. Son una mierda loco... así cualquiera puede mandarse cagás por la vida. ¿No les parece nada más cínico eso de persinarse cuando eres una mierda de persona?

- Si po, como lo hacía el negro Fernández, ¿te acuerdas flaco?

- Claro, Martínez entendió el asunto po flaquito. Así mismo...y el muy pelotudo del cura nos dijo almas negras a nosotros, tres cabros chicos haciendo tonteras no más...

Después de algunos cigarros, le pregunté a Maldonado como resultó su experiencia con el equipo. Se puso a reír y luego dijo.

- Si lo de almas negras lo hubiera dicho por como jugábamos, ahí le encontraría algo de razón. La cosa es que armamos los arcos, hicimos un equipo, y nos metimos a un campeonato de ahí en el barrio. Igual, esperaba más del equipo. La carmencha era la única que jugaba sin golpear a los rivales, el resto de los huevones se dedicaban a pegar puras patadas huevón, entre esos también estaba yo. Resulta que en el primer partido que jugamos, nos tocó con unos huevoncitos hijitos de papá, tenían sus camisetitas planchaditas huevón, cuando se ha visto tamaña mariconada en una cancha de fútbol...bueno, para resumirles el cuento, a los diez minutos de partido, el “cacha mal hecha” se tiró una barrida mortal a espaldas de un contrario. Lo tomó de los tobillos con el vuelo, y el pendejo se saca la mierda en el suelo, cayó con toda la nuca en la cancha. Entonces mi compadre se lleva la pelota, y aprovechando que estaba todos reclamando, pegó un zapatazo desde como 20 metros, y metió un golazo. Cuando salimos a celebrar el tanto, se acercó el capitán de estos huevones y le dice a mi amigo “déjate de celebrar alacalufe culiao, te vamos a sacar la chucha!!!”. Creo que no he visto mejor combo en el hocico que esa vez. Mi amigo se acerca, y con el impulso de una carrera corta, le vuela las dos paletas de la boca al otro pendejo. Ufff, después de eso todo fue combos, patadas en la cara, escupos con sangre, piedrazos, cabezos en las narices, patadas en el cuello, patadas en los testículos...si hasta la carmencha se metió a pegar cornetes...fue de antología cabros...

- Y el partido, ¿quién lo ganó?

- Nadie po Martínez. Si hasta el árbitro salio con los zapatos marcados en la frente. El partido terminó sin ganador. Lo que si sepultó nuestras esperanzas. Después de eso nos echaron del campeonato.

- Y no era para menos, después de esa...

Entretenida la historia de Maldonado. Parece que le hacía bien emborracharse en ese tono, sin acordarse de sus historias amorosas frustradas. A pesar de eso, el tipo se quedó dormido igual sobre la mesa, y con Martínez lo llevamos en calidad de bulto a un taxi. Al menos no tuvimos que pagar los vasos rotos.

29 comentarios:

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Ya me estan empezando a dar ganas de ir a ese bar, me tinca que es esa clase de bar donde en la otra mesa está condorito tomando un schop con mr. pipa.

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Playing bingo needs more than luck or skills and techniques, contrary to what most believe. Bingo, just like any game of chance, comes with rules and regulations that players should observe. Being a player comes with responsibilities and etiquette.

Winning the Game

The moment you figured out you won, you must immediately yell BINGO, and it should be loud enough for the floor walker to hear. The pot money shall be given to the winner once their winning card is confirmed. Well, in winning or once you know you just won, the most important thing is that you shout the winning word BEFORE the time elapses. If the game proceeds and the next number is mentioned and you failed to shout "Bingo", your winning card is disqualified. Therefore, this is the rule you must know.

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